Living the Dream

When I was younger, nothing held back my imagination or my spirit as I thought of what I wanted my life to be like as an adult.  My thoughts were full of faith and resolve.  These dreams and ambitions never encompassed what you might think - like going to a certain college or having the perfect new home with the picket fence and the hired help mowing the lawn.  No, I dreamed of unconventional things.  I thought about living a life of faith; not being tied down by the pressures of materialism and success as our culture defines it, but believing for more.  I thought about making an impact on the world.  I wanted to be willing to give up everything and follow God.  Not necessarily by moving to some third world country, but by living the way it seemed Jesus had.  I was inspired as I read and saw what Jesus really seemed to be about, rather than what my impression was from church growing up.  I wanted to be like him.
but somehow in the years since getting married, getting pregnant and having Elena, the pressures of conventional America set in.  I found myself thinking that if we were really on the right track, we would have the little SUV and the house that we had remodeled with the perfect nursery.  I would have a degree in teaching or something and be taking a break to have 3 babies in secession.  This is what I felt America expected of me and there was a certain part of me that bought in to the lie that if I were really successful, this is what I would be doing and be about. Though I must say, some of these thoughts were my pregnancy talking, there was another problem for me: I hadn't seen anyone living the way that I wanted to, especially no one with a family.  Just before we moved here I started to get glimpses of a couple of families living in a way that I could admire: giving their lives away instead of living for themselves.  Then when we moved, I was blown away - I think I found a church full of them.  Though i don't know many people here incredibly well yet, I can tell you that the people we're staying with have almost single-handedly started to restore my faith in that old dream from years ago. and the dream is this:

I want to be defined by love.  I want to live a life that is about being generous, hospitable, open, simple.  A life marked by giving rather than taking, by believing instead of just being, and changing and learning instead of staying the same. Living in a way that people know they can come to me if they need something, and I'll be there.  I want to learn how to have grace with people - grace in a way that brings people a casserole when a family member is sick. grace in a way that thinks of other people first. I want to live like i can change things in myself and in the world, like who I am matters more than what I do for a living. I want to focus my goals on these things, rather than attaining material possessions and a certain social status, giving in in my spirit to the pressures I perceive as coming from other people.  It might sound crazy, but I really began to wonder if it was possible to live this way.  It seems very few people do. I felt like most people I saw were fairly caught up with material possessions, acquiring more time and money to do and have as they desired, as though all their life that's all they ever wanted: to live "comfortably".

but, these people I'm talking about - the ones we've been staying with - they are giving their lives away. they are sick and they don't really let on. their kids talk to them often and openly. they opened their house to us, let us stay here for almost a month and made us feel completely at home. they share meals with us, ask us what we think about things and haven't once asked us what degrees we have or how many kids we're going to have or when we're going to buy a house. they are constantly giving. they make us popcorn and rent us movies. we didn't even know them when we moved in. they have been through and are going through so much, but you would never know it. nothing seems to bother them as they are so easy going and gracious. they give all the time and they seem happy doing it. they care about their community. they make me think. it gives me hope that I'm not just being idealistic. living the way i dreamed is possible.

Beginning Again

it's a pretty crazy thing we're doing - we moved here without brian having a job and without a place to live - just a place to stay and a friendly face to pick elena and i up from the airport. so, in the midst of this craziness, fortunately we have still been able to enjoy the beauty that encompasses this city. i can't stop talking about the weather. it's so amazing to experience a true fall: complete with the changing colors of the leaves, sweater-worthy temperatures and soup and hot tea in the afternoon. in california we would still be wearing our shorts and tank tops and praying for cooler weather that would arrive mid-november. i am so thankful to not be in that state and also for all of the small joys we have experienced since we arrived here. i am so excited about church. i haven't felt excited about church in a long time. it is so refreshing. i feel like this place fits me or i fit it, whatever. we are staying in a house around the corner from beautiful whatcom lake and whatcom falls. we took elena there and she quacked at the ducks. ducks are her favorite. "duck" is her official first word. coffee tastes wonderful every place i have ordered it. mmm... what could be better? elena is right at the age where she is taking everything in. i can almost see the wheels turning in her little mind. she has started pointing. it's so cute. all the parks here are clean and in beautiful areas. we took her to fairhaven park and she got on her first park swing. she is doing and seeing so many things she can hardly sleep. literally. oh and have i mentioned the focus on sustainability here? amazing. go to a restaraunt downtown and they are liable to offer something local, vegetarian, free-range, organic blah blah blah... it's so GREAT! i actually ordered breakfast last weekend that was vegan!!! this is so shocking to me as there is nothing like this where i come from. every store abounds with signs speaking of local, natural type things. i can't get enough. we went to the farmer's market today - more local organic goodness all around. YES! (and the garbage cans in this town are smaller than the recycling bins!) So, while i am absolutely loving this time we've had - i can't wait until we are planted here. beginning again by uprooting ourselves is going to be good for us. i know it. but, it's going to be hard. i miss friends... i will always miss them, even after we meet people here. no one can take the place of certain people in my life. that is surely the hardest thing about moving. still, i am glad for a new beginning. i am happy to know that i will be raising my daughter in a culture like this, a community like this, a church like this. so, while people think we are crazy, i know, we are also making something happen that we otherwise would have regretted later in life. we are beginning again, taking a risk and daring to believe that life can be different. and it is good, i think.